LH5W Dilemma...

This journal is for those who are interested in my Love Hurts 5 Ways series. If you've watched me for reasons other than that/don't care about LH5W, then this journal might not be for you XD But if you want to read anyway, welcome! Thank you for not clicking away X33

**sighs**

For those of you who have watched me for a while, you may have caught onto my indecisiveness.

I change my mind about how I'll go about things...A LOT.

And I'm also sure you're quite aware of my procrastination and terrible tendency to make promises that I don't deliver on until way too much time has gone by (*cough* Chapter 46 *cough*)

And what I'm going to discuss with you today is no exception.

If you're beyond tired of me changing my mind so much, I understand your frustration.

I'm just the kind of person that takes a while to find what her niche is and has to go through a lot of trials and errors in order to reach a point where I am comfortable.

Having said that...

I'm changing  the format for LH5W once again.

WHAT?! WTH Aloe this is like...the 100th time you've done that!

Yeah...yeah...I know. You guys don't need to tell me...*facepalm* I know.

And I honestly don't like putting you guys through this so much. It just makes me not want to share any of my plans cuz of this fear of disappointing you all.

And yet here I am...doing that again >.>
(apparently I'm either a glutton for punishment, or I'm incredibly optimistic...)

In any case, I just realized that things needed to change precisely because of how long it takes me to move the story along. I could not for the life of me figure out why I couldnt bring myself to work on this story in this new screenshot format that I thought would surely make my life easier as I wouldnt have to deal with prose anymore.

However, I somehow forgot something about myself. Something that was big enough to destroy my dreams of becoming a mangaka or an animator.

And that was the fact that I sort of hate drawing pictures that come one after the other sequentially. (if that makes any sense). Like how in a comic one picture's content flows into the next and such. Or how in animation you draw one frame, then the next, then the next, then the next all in the effort to get one character to make a simple movement or gesture. I finally got to experience this when I took an animation course at my college a year ago. I can't say I enjoyed the process. I have a whole new respect for animators, but I just...can't.

I have both a really short attention span and my patience is rather thin when it comes to certain things. So me being a mangaka or an animator was not a good fit for my personality and preferences. When I draw pictures, I often prefer that they are self contained and one-shot like.

There is a reason that I wanted to be an author for a while: because I still wanted to tell stories, just in a different way.

For some odd reason, I forgot that crucial part of my personality and believed that I could pull off this LH5W screenshot thing.

But if I had to be COMPLETELY honest about all of this:

I don't enjoy the idea of drawing out the scenes in this way. Already I have drawn 2 screenshots and it took me 2 or 3 weeks just to draw one of them. It only took me so dang long because I was avoiding it. I only avoid things I don't want to do. Drawing these screenshots is reminiscent of the significant lack of joy that I felt while animating and while drawing the comics I used to make as a kid. I didnt like it then. And I don't like it now. If I was seriously into this idea, I would be so enthusiastic about drawing these scenes. But I'm not. In fact, it feels like homework. HOMEWORK. And not the fun kind either (is there such a thing as fun homework?). I procrastinate on my homework as well because I hate doing it. I wait so long so that I can postpone the pain as long as possible (even tho it makes more sense to get the painful stuff out of the way sooner rather than later...but oddly enough, a lot of people do what I do and push it off until later...huh.).

I've been drawing so many non-Chapter 46 stuff cuz I just don't want to face it. My subconscious apparently knew this more than my conscious brain did.

 **breathes**

Guys.

The idea of having to do these pix was driving me away from LH5W. In the back of my mind, it was making me start to dislike it. I don't want to do that. I never want to do that. Love Hurts 5 Ways is EXTREMELY important to me. I've put so much time, effort, and thought into the story that I never want to see it die. However, if I force myself to do something I don't want to do, it'll only make me resent this story that I love so much.

So before I dive face-first into this screenshot thing, I'm gonna stop it right now.

Sure, I'll draw the screenshots every now and then...mostly when I'm feeling inspired by anything in particular. But for the most part, the story will be mostly written.

HOWEVER, IT WILL NOT BE WRITTEN IN PROSE.

per se.

If you saw the description for Chapter 46 Parts 1 and 2, you've seen how I've gone about presenting the actual content of the story.
If anything, it's more like a lazy prose mixed in with play-writing.

THIS in all honesty, is what I'd rather do. It takes away pressure from me so that I don't have to be all professional about it and I can get my point across better. And I also plan on making chapters significantly shorter just for the sake of getting the story told.

My main concern is updating the story and moving it forward. For WAAAY too long its been in the same place. I finally got it going with Chapter 46 Parts 1 and 2, but it will take decades to finish if I can't do this in a way that makes me more comfortable. I have other obligations in life and soon I'll have more responsibilities as I complete my last semester of undergrad life, get some psychology internships/jobs, start grad school, and eventually reach for a PhD. I honestly don't need more stress.

I need my drawing life to be filled with things that i enjoy drawing. Sometimes that will be LH5W, sometimes it won't be. But in any case, I'd like there to be no pressure when it comes to drawing. Drawing, I feel, is one of the only things I have control in and I don't want that taken away by my forcing myself to do something I dont want to do.
(the pressure never came from any of you guys btw. You're all lovely people who have been incredibly patient with me. And I love you for that. I was pressuring myself and my paranoia of disappointing my readers/watchers tends to get the best of me to the point of really stressing myself out.

Wasnt all of this...art...story-making...supposed to be fun? I messed myself up by taking the fun out of it!)

I am determined as all heck. though, to get this story out in one way or another.

So...at least for now, this is how things are gonna be:

I'll give those who are interested in LH5W via the lazy prose with literature entries.

Every now and then I'll draw a picture that goes with the chapters, but for the sake of my sanity, it'll be mostly written. The thing I mentioned about re-writing the first 45 chapters still applies. But that won't come into effect until after Season 2 is done. Just as before.

And as far as art goes, I'll just do whatever the heck i want X33

This way it is a win-win situation.

I get my drawing freedom back, and I can move the story along in a timely matter.

Can I say for absolute certain that this is how things will be always?

No. Of course not.

With me, nothing is a sure thing. BUT this is how it'll be for now. And I pray it all works out ^_~

Thank you all for putting up with me so much.

I appreciate it X33